For a Daughter I Wish I’d Had!!!

A poem written by Usha Pisharody at

http://nogenderinequality.wordpress.com/2009/10/31/for-a-daughter-i-wish-id-had/

Same initiative : New beginning

To make 'No Gender Inequality' (NGI) blog more interactive for our readers and supporters, we have decided to move NGI to http://nogenderinequality.wordpress.com/ .

As always we look forward to your views, perspectives and notions. Please continue to support the cause like you always have and subscribe to new feed and use comment space to let us know your views on the new blog.

Thank you all!

-NGI team

Domestic Violence Awareness : Learn to say NO

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Reach out to a friend or relative who might need your help. Let them know that they are not alone and that they have the option to say NO.

When we hear about domestic abuse, we think of a poor woman beaten black and blue. Domestic abuse has nothing to do with social strata, gender, religion or race. Any abuse or violence that takes place within a family where spouse/partner, children, and aged are involved, is domestic violence. In most cases though we find women and children as victims of domestic abuse, a reason why we have women's shelter homes and children's welfare homes set up by social services. So here I am addressing issues related to children and women. It is parents' responsibility to provide a happy home for the child they bring to this world and not to let them witness violence and abuse at home.

According to Child welfare Information gateway [link], the problems that children who witness domestic violence face, fall into three primary categories:

• Behavioral, social, and emotional problems: Higher levels of aggression, anger, hostility, oppositional behavior, and disobedience; fear, anxiety, withdrawal, and depression; poor peer, sibling, and social relationships; and low self-esteem.

• Cognitive and attitudinal problems. Lower cognitive functioning, poor school performance, lack of conflict resolution skills, limited problem solving skills, pro-violence attitudes, and belief in rigid gender stereotypes and male privilege.

• Long-term problems. Higher levels of adult depression and trauma symptoms and increased tolerance for and use of violence in adult relationships. [excerpt ends]

Domestic violence isn’t just about physical battery, scars and bruises. Verbal abuse and emotional battery is equally damaging and unacceptable. Most of us are serious about physical abuse because we can see the scars but psychological abuse is most common type of battery which goes on because we don’t consider it as an abuse. Constant belittling, name-calling and dictating, over a period are equally harmful because it makes a person feel worthless and leads to depression and in some cases suicide. An emotional battery is the one when an adult is treated like a child and needs to ask permission before doing anything. When an adult is forced to hide her own feelings thinking that the partner might verbally attack her for the same and also, giving up on all unreasonable demands of partner.

We are often not convinced when a woman from upper strata of society complains of domestic abuse. We can't believe that a highly educated woman can be belittled. This video by Safe Horizon depicts a common emotional battery that can happen to even a highly educated woman and shows how her work suffers along with her mental strength.

http://www.safehorizon.org/safework/ta_(un)safe_trailer.htm

The motive behind domestic violence is power. If not by physical strength then by emotional overpowering.

Adjustment is one of the keys to happy life but a life full of adjustments becomes suffocating and worthless. It is an issue that needs immediate attention. First step is to be upfront and address the issue, if that doesn’t work then may be involving an older person from immediate family or counseling might help. If situation goes out of control then it is always good to call a domestic violence hotline. There are trained professionals who attend the call and they offer wide range of options.

IF YOU NEED HELP

If you don't have anyone to turn to and suffering in an abusive relationship then it is better to talk to trained advocates who offer guidance. If your friend or relative needs help then help them. The caller is asked whether she is in immediate danger, and whether she can receive calls because most of the times, women hesitate to call from their own homes fearing her husband or partner.

India:

• Bell Bajao- Bring domestic violence to halt: It is supported by ministry of women and child development. All the numbers are listed here. http://bellbajao.org/resources/helplines/.

US:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline ( ndvh.org) : 800-799-SAFE
• Safe Horizon : 800-621-HOPE
  
• Aasra: 1-800-313-ASRA

UK:

• Ashiana (http://www.ashianahelp.org.uk/): Details on the website.

We can all take responsibility for helping to bring about change, and keeping our friends and colleagues safe from domestic violence.