My Amma - Mon Ami.

This post was submitted by a blogger who wants to remain anonymous. This is a true account of how his/her mother overcame difficulties to bring up her children and didn't give up.
The words touched us and made us feel proud of the son/daughter but most of all his/her mother. A woman who has the never-say-die spirit. We hope the words will 'speak' to you too.
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My Mother:

It is often said that the force of character to handle stress is so much more in a woman than in a man. I personally know that it is true as I have seen my mother battle her way through so much.

The very basic characteristic of any human is his/her tenacity to survive against all odds. But unfortunately, that tenacity was found lacking in my dad. There was once a time when his business was doing great and money kept pouring in but unfortunately, due to some bad deals and even worse “friends”, he lost all of it when I was about 12.

He took to alcohol in a big way and pretty soon, lost all sense of what it took to be a good dad, what it took to be a good husband and he started living in his megalomaniac dreams of grandeur; a situation from which he has not recovered to this day. And he soon deserted us to live his life in solitude.

Coming from a very orthodox family, this incident was a major shock to all my relatives and they tried to bring him back into the fold. I still remember in my 9th standard visiting an AA clinic to meet my “dad” and there inside was a “decrepit stranger” whom I did not know and that incident still rankles as the most embarrassing moment of my life.

I was hurt, shocked and unable to control my emotions at that time and I could have gone either way. I could have become the psychotic extrovert or I could have become the deeply pained, shy introvert scarred for life. But it was thanks to my mother than I remained normal, remained grounded. Yes, being normal was an important attribute for me at that time.

Once a teacher by choice and interest, it soon became an important income source for her and she did initially struggle to make ends meet.

But more importantly, I am what I am thanks to her. She had the power to absorb so much and still walk around with a smile, a smile that used to light up the entire house. Nothing ever did depress her; no problem was too great to overcome. If I can say that I had a normal childhood, without any worries, it was thanks to her. If today, I can stand up and say that I aim to be a good human being and a good husband/father in the future, it is thanks to her.

I still remember as a kid, how she used to take everything in her stride and not blame “life” for it. During that initial period, the problems were many (legal, financial and emotional) and the solutions too few. I personally believe that a mortal of lesser strength would have fallen ill at that point but nope, she never gave up; she never gave up on her dream of bringing up her kids the right way, never gave up on her dream of educating school kids. A strong woman, who never cut corners, who inculcated in her kids, the importance of words like “honesty and integrity”.
The old wise folks say, “Mata, Pita, Guru, Deivam” and that saying is very true!!!

This is my tribute to this wonderful lady; my mother, my guru, my friend and my guide.

This is my tribute to this wonderful lady; a woman who could stay stoic against all insurmountable odds and yet cry at the drop of a hat when watching a film.

I do not call her “amma” these days. I call her “mon ami” (“my friend” in French).
God bless!!

STAND UP ... YOUNG GENERATION

Guest Post Contributed by Anju Gandhi of 'Awakening'
Thanks for sharing Anju Gandhi :)

I attended a marriage last month. Some details of the marriage
Sangeet in a five star hotel with a guest list of 800+ (that includes not only relatives or friends but distant business colleagues or acquaintances and their family
Marriage in open ground ( big enough to accommodate more than 2000 guests) fresh flowers decorations everywhere ( orchids, roses etc), fireworks, sparkling lights all over, games for children,valet parking arrangements for the odd 2000 guests, more than 150 dishes in the buffet spread ( Punjabi, Rajasthani, Guajarati, Maharastrian Mexican, Chinese, continental, Italian , you name the dish and it was there)
Brides outfit (minus the jewellery) more than Rs one lakh)
Gifts given by the bride’s family to the groom’ family (mind you to the grooms family not to the groom or the bride) - diamond jewellery to immediate family members (including the male members, gold to other relatives, 21 saris to grooms mother only clothes for all near relatives, silver glasses to distant relatives AND this is besides the dowry which was given to the bride
Bride a Doctor
Groom a MBA
AND ALL THE EXPENSES BORNE BY THE FATHER OF THE BRIDE
Out of those 2000 odd guests only few knew the couple. Rest like me were guests who didn’t know even the parents. (I had accompanied my husband and father in law as they were also acquaintances of the father)
I wonder why the so called educated, modern and liberated couple didn’t object to this sheer wastage of money. Why they did not put their foot down to lavish gifts given or the dowry given and when asked the couple they replied “can’t help it, in our community all this has to be done”
How can a self respecting. decently placed boy expect his wife to bring dowry. after all equality of gender is also something.
Why the girls family is expected to spend so much on the marriage. After all, the girl is equally educated and most of the parents don’t differentiate these days between girls and boys then why do the parents of a girl have to shell out so much to see their daughter married off. Is the daughter a burden on them? Is it a crime to have a daughter or see her settled in life with a decent boy?
Is it only the girl who is getting married? Is the boy not getting a wife who will leave her house, her family to come to live with him, his family and make all of them a part of her own family?
Why doesn’t the boy’s family also contribute equally to the marriage functions? Why it is expected from the girl’s side only to bear the expenses of the marriage function.
More important why squander so much on marriage functions and invite each and every one. Why can’t this money be given to the couple to start their life with more comforts? After all, the money is being spent by the parents. Give as much as you want to your daughter but why blow the hard earned money on strangers?
I suppose marriage is a family function where only close relatives and family friends should be present to bless the couple (we didn’t even go to wish the couple for simple reasons that we didn’t know the couple and there was a long queue near the stage, we just wished the parents and left), I just thought what was the need for them to invite us or hundreds of others. Was it just to show off their riches or to show off the long guest list or to promote their business?
Fine, parents who can afford to spend so much, spend but think of parents who are financially not well off, it becomes a burden for them to see their daughter married. That is why a daughter is not welcomed in many of Indian families.
Even after the huge dowry given (which according to me is the price given to buy the boy for the girl but in our culture which is seen as the price given to the boy to marry the daughter, as if the daughter is a liability on the parents, the sooner she is disposed off, the better it is for the parents) the girl doesn’t get respect or her due place at her inlaws place.
I am all for celebrating the marriage with all traditions and customs, having all the ceremonies , giving gifts to the couple but only because I want to give not because it is expected from me being the brides parents,after all we parents earn for our children and we want them to have all the comforts and facilities,( I would like to have all the possible ceremonies for my daughter’s marriage, follow all the customs) but with only close friends and relatives who are a part of your family and who will be happy for the couple but why invite the whole town to witness your propserity or why take loans just to maintain your name in the society ( no one will come to rescue you from the clutches of loan givers once you fail to return the loan)
If the parents wants to give to the couple go ahead and give if you can afford but please don’t make a public display of your affluence.
And to the young generation especially the boys who are on the threshold of marriage, stand up, raise your voice against dowry or display of opulence of your parents in the name of tradition and customs.. Take whatever your parents can give you, even demand (after all you have the right to and it is yours only) but don’t advertise it. Think of lakhs of family who cannot afford to do so. and even if they can afford it

SHE

Guest Post Contributed by Imp's Mom

Thanks for sharing Imp's Mom :)



SHE


She is worshiped
She is treasured
She is given all the luxuries of life that can be offered

Yet

She does not have Freedom

Freedom to make her own choices
Freedom to make her own mistakes
Freedom to live her life in her own terms
Freedom to learn from her own mistakes

Give her an education
Give her a chance to make it worthwhile
Give her a chance to grow, show her the love and watch her blossom

She is no less than a son.

Say NO to Gender Inequality

and Female Infanticide.

A Story about Gender Discrimination

Post Contribution by Kislay Chandra of Orange Blog
Thank You Kislay for sharing this.
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The not very unlikely juxtaposition of a quote from Solilo's post and a conversation with a friend of mine sowed the seed of thought for this post. This is the quote from Solilo's blog post “Brusque” –

"Do not keep quiet in the face of injustice and gender bias. Those who knowingly
keep quiet are as guilty as the perpetrators of injustice”

And how are they related? Well, they are related because my friend is a woman, working in a reputable multinational software company has been the victim of sexual discrimination. This MNC tries hard to maintain a decent sex-ratio, and I guess it is because of some tax incentive they get. Now my friend, let's call her Mridul (she is very polite), and her colleague and friend, let's call her Aparajita (she is very spunky), have together faced the brunt. Their victimization has been so subtle, nondescript, and insidious, that even they failed to notice it. Or, they did sense it, but did nothing about it, because as a woman, you are used to facing a more than average resistance than your average man faces. They, being the decent and helpful creatures (and confound them for being nice), have been facing a slew of shit since the day they joined their team.

Before I start telling you their story, let me tell you, that it suddenly dawned upon me ; what they have been facing is not just due to the misfortune of working in a software company in recession hit times as a fresher, but a significant portion of this "crap" has been dumped upon them on account of their sex. In one moment of epiphany, all the stories I heard over the past 5 months fell in place, illustrating the real picture. And it is ugly, sad and absolutely preposterous.

Here is the scenario - Mridul and Aparajita are freshers as I told you, and they were on bench for quite some time. For those fortunate enough never to have heard this term before, let me tell you what it means. It means that you are rusting. Your company has no work for you. And in these times, the axe may fall anytime. So these girls , along with another guy , one of the protagonists of our bitter-and-real life story , whom I shall name Mahamoorkh Chapanduk Pakhandi ( A big fool - A duffer - A hypocrite ) , i.e. M.C.P. , were grouped informally as a team , to be trained for the particular project soon-to-be-their team was working on. They were not formally allocated , but rather on their way to allocation. That is a like a state of limbo, between heaven and hell, neither here nor there.So the three of them started their training. This involved mastering a technology, by doing and learning. And these three, as unofficial members of the team, had no access to individual computers, but rather had to share one. Three people - One computer. That is shocking on an altogether different level, for the MNC is multi-billion dollar company.
Anyway, I think you all get an idea of what happened. One computer shared by three people, all of whom were supposed to practice their theory. Clashes were imminent and unavoidable. But after the initial unrest, the girls worked out things between them. But then, one computer, shared by two girls and one M.C.Pakhandi. This jackass, instead of being a gentleman and a professional, and trying to adapt to the situation, eventually turned out to be a pukka MCP, one that would make any other MCP proud. Like a wolf in a sheep’s clothing, eventually he showed his true ugly colors. Now, Shreeman Pakhandi , hogged the computer , rarely offered them the one chair they all had to share or relinquished control of the mouse/keyboard .He went through the material they all had to study together at his own pace. If he ever did offer any help and/or the computer, it was more out of condescension, rather than a genuine sense of fair play and team spirit. It was a gesture of magnanimity, doled out to make the other feel small and insignificant. Whenever these girls expressed their difficulty in grasping some concept or the other, it emanated a smile from him, one which said “You dumb girls”, the emphasis being more on 'girl' than 'dumb'.A completely unrelated, and yet, a significant incident. There is a quiz where you have to write the name of girl, the first one that comes to your mind. Now the jackass who came up with this quiz, was probably banking upon the fact , that like him , most other males would also write the name of the girl they are secretly or openly in love with. The purpose of this charade being to ascertain the name of your love, so that your friends can have a nice time pulling your leg. So our friend, Mahamoorkh, in the presence of Mridul and Aparajita, wrote a name. And as expected, the girls started teasing. And can you take a shot in the dark, and think up what his response was?“I do not think of her like that. She is NOT beautiful”. Now you call me a loon, but this gives an insight into his character. Had the words been “I am not attracted to her”, it would have been no more than a blip on the radar. But the ones that actually came out suggest that, to him, Love is a by-product of sexual attraction. From that, I conclude that either he is sees woman as sex-objects, and only those beautiful or hot enough are worthy of his love. I may be wrong. I hope I am.Our friend, M.C.Pakhandi, then ganged up with a fellow pig, lets call him Sidekick Swine (Pigs are in the air, eh?) , and two of them together, then made fun of the girls. Now, a very interesting observation is that, in this entire episode, he has never passed a single lewd remark, or made any obscene gesture. He has done nothing, which can actually be construed as actual sexual harassment. But, even this is sexual harassment. And I do not need a pair of ovaries, and a dose of estrogen to come to this conclusion. In the events that have unfolded in the past 5 months, the actions of MCP and his two bit sidekick, SS, have been more or less influenced by the fact, they Mridul and Aparajita are two girls, normal girls, neither bitchy nor meek. He behaves so, because, maybe, he sees them as not worthy of competing against him, or his bloated ego cannot digest a challenge from the fairer and apparently weaker sex.This was one man. Now for some more.In this team, all the girls, the ones who were lucky enough to get allocated got testing, as compared to the guys, who got development. Testing is commonly perceived as a job beneath the dignity of any coder worth his salt. But in a company, where most of the employees have not studied CS as their major, most of them are not coders.

So the assignment should be done purely on the basis of their performance in the training program, and not on their sex. But, the girls get testing, not because they are not good at coding, but because they are girlsWhat some guys actually think about the role of the female members the team – To act as a stress buster, for the overworked male colleague, by letting them flirt with them anytime they want, objects to practice their macho act on and an interesting way to engage yourself when at leisure.There was a team meeting in which the members were supposed to write down suggestions and ideas to improve the performance of the project. Our troika attended that meeting as well, even though they were not contributing towards the project. As they had no idea about what actually was going on, Mridul and Aparajita, could not have possibly come up with any idea or suggestion. So while they stared at their blank post-its, it caught the attention of senior male colleague. Initially, he coaxed them to write something. And soon it turned into a game, where another team member joined them, and unloaded a pile of post-its. They took verbal jabs at them, had fun at their expense, and shared this awesome in-joke. And guess what, M.C. Pakhandi, and S. Swine were nowhere around. Sexist? Or I am over imaginative?Personally, I would thrash guys like MCP and SS within inches of their lives, but that would not do anyone any good. His complex, his antagonism towards woman, in general or particular would only increase. I just don't how can people like these be cured.Now that the story is over, some of you may challenge the neutrality of the story teller, i.e. yours truly. For the past 5 months, whenever I heard their stories, Mr. Pakhandi was never the villain. He was just a male colleague, sometimes very irritating and obnoxious, and un-co-operative, but never the enemy. The girls never saw him in that light till I pointed it out, and they gave an unbiased account, telling it as it happened . As I said before, the realization that something sexist was going on was sudden, and hence, the story.It is high time the girls kicked some serious MCP ass. I hope they get his balls as a trophy.

An uncommon strength, An undying inspiration...

The results for the Kerala State Board, Std XII, the regular HSE, and the VHSE, were announced today by the Education Minister, Shri M A Baby. It was around , perhaps, 11.30 am by the time he got to the nitty gritty, speaking of how it had gone down by about 4 percent, as against last year's performance, and that there was only one child in the VHSE who secured A+ grades in all of his subjects. A rare distinction indeed. (The Kerala State Board gives only grades to the SSLC, the 10th Std, and both grades and marks to the 12th std. )Before you jump to conclusions, no, this is not about him :)

Shri Baby also mentioned that the education department would look into and give special attention to those schools who have performed the worst, at least 4 schools, from the bottom of the list, and ensure that any shortcoming by way of academic or infrastructure requirements are attended to, so that the students may be brought up, on par.

While all this was inspiring, the atmosphere at home was a little tense, as we needed to know some childrens' results and the websites just refused to open. Finally, after more than an hour, relentlessly hounding all the browsers I have, IE, Firefox, and Google Chrome, one window on Firefox [yayyy! I love firefox!] opened with the result longed for!

The name was right, Revathy Narayanan, Roll No. was right... And she drew in a deep breath, proceeding to the marklist. English, 59, C+, (a sigh, quiet, but heavy!), GFC -General Foundation Course- better 76, B+, MLT -Medical Lab. Technician course- Practicals, a whopping 140 out of 150, and 48 out of 50, A+ in both, Chemistry and Physics, 78, B+, and Biology was 67, B grade.

Oh! Ok. That is an average performance, given the fact that papers would have been easy, and of course the fact that tuitions galore should have enhanced the performance in at least the science subjects? That would be one's normal reaction, in this day and age of competitive, fierce competitive examinations, and preparations!

But no, not this time. I sat back and looked at the screen, Revathy, chewing her nails, a bit unhappy, her mother not quite sure of how precisely the results had turned out; to say I felt proud of her at that moment was an understatement. Why so, you might ask, given this well, just above average performance?

Let me take you back a couple of years, for that. Revathy had just completed her 10th. Results time again. Grades only this time, and she managed A+ grades in most, with only an A grade, and a couple of B+ grades. So? Did she not perform less satisfactorily this time then? Absolutely not.

Let me explain. Revathy is the daughter, the elder daughter, of Chandrika who helps me at home (I do not like to mention domestic help, because for me she is and has always been, in these last 13 years, family :)). Chandrika works at our place, and two other houses, battling odds like opposition from her relatives, her husband who used to, till a few months ago, drink and abuse his family, and so called well-meaning neighbours who never forgot to take pot shots at her, esp. when she dressed well, and ensured her kids had education. Government schools, and travelling by public transport, but good education nonetheless. But, sadly no tuition. For she could not afford it. I did call Revathy, and told her to find a suitable place to go for tuitions in any subject, and that I would take care of it, but she simply said that it was Ok, and she would manage. She did. Awesomely!

So, you see, today, when she proved to me again, Revathy, ie, that believing in oneself, working towards an objective, no matter where you are, is the stuff inspiration is made of. She inspires. She shows me the way, as her mother has, several times, when I was down because of nastiness I have encountered here and there.

She shows me that impossible is really nothing. That being a girl, in an underprivileged background is nothing. That it is all there for the taking, only one has to reach out and take it with both hands. One has to want it, and one has to be it. And being a girl, who was supposed to be a domestic help like her mother had nothing to do with it.

Back to the moment of the results. As I had mentioned, she was unhappy about the C+, but I just glossed over it, congratulating her, and sending her off. A few minutes later her mother called to ask me to speak to her, as she felt she compared poorly, with her fellow classmates. What could I tell her?

So I asked her if anyone of them did not go for tuitions. The answer was No. All of them did.
Did they have a father who really was not bothered? No.
Did they have to learn each bit of their course, all on their own, with no outside help? No.

Then, I told her, my very dearest girl, why you're the best there is. I told her how proud I was, much more that my own children, whose results anyway could have been way better! And I told her that finally it was all within. See, I said, how that wanting to do the best you could has brought you here? Low grades in English don't mean a thing, it's just a number, a letter.

And please, I told her, please, let us look upward, and ahead, because what has happened has... and nothing can change that! But a positive, and strong outlook ahead will make even miracles seem like child's play! I thought I heard a tiny sigh at the other end. I hope it was one of relief :) I am sure though, that it must have been the fact that I was about to end the call, that made her sigh :) :)

Whatever be that, I know that I am so so proud of this young girl, who defies fate, and shows us, that being the best you can be is not about gender or circumstance. It is about who you are, and want to be!

Thank you, Revathy, and thank you Chandrika. Now, you're a wonderful mother, much more than you will ever know yourself to be :) And now you too are famous :) :)

God bless you, always :)

Post Script: Chandrika's younger child is a boy, who she wanted to have, so badly, because she faced endless jibes about having a daughter. The young man has just completed his 10th, a little rogue, is his mother's worry , in caps.. :), but an affectionate chap who really means well. His grades too were above average, but nothing to match his sister's performance in the 10th. But to have achieved that much is to his credit, though he did go for tuitions, in most subjects :)

This is an impromptu post, really, and as usual I have rambled :)

However...
It's been a day of much upliftment, and joy, all around!

12 May, 2009

What it takes to be oneself?

Being Me

A slowly filling
Silence;
Muted by the
Melody;
Of heartbeats
Soft;

Cosseted by wafting
Unspoken words;
Life moves within.

Surging, rushing
Feelings
From within to without...
I give expression to
The Unique Me.

I am a woman
Warm, Worthy
I know!
Holding that key

To Shakthi, and Shanti
I am Janani Jeeva...
I am life...

Procreator,
Not just of life,

But of love

Of just Being.


By Usha Pisharody, 8 March, 2009

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I believe

''Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got.''

Sadly a woman who is the creator of life still finds herself second to her progeny because of gender.

As a woman I only ask for two things: equality and justice. So that in future we don't need a special day to commemorate women.

By Solilo ,8th March 2009

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As long as a woman is made to feel weak BECAUSE she is a woman,as long as she faces hurdles both visible and invisible BECAUSE she is a woman, the scenario in India is unlikely to change.

The day when a woman in India can live on her own without fear ,without the terror that she might be targetted because she is a woman.The day a woman is not to made feel less because she is a woman.

The day a woman in India is treated as an equal not just in word but in spirit. That will be the day a woman will find what it means to simply be a human being.

Nothing more,nothing less.

Our bodies.
Our life.
Our right to decide.

''The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.'' ~Roseanne Barr

By Indyeah, 8th March 2009

***************************

Being me?

A lot of things!

but for now...

Just some random thoughts ….

Being free of conditioning…

Not having to watch women believe they are weaker...

Being able to see that it's not about religion, culture, class …

Of refusing to buy such divides.

Of being able to show no matter what name we call her by,

God does not condone injustice in her name.

Whether it is a Jesme Raphael who risks being declared mad for speaking out,

Or another helpless sister being paraded in the streets of Orrisa,

An Imrana being told to marry her father in law because he raped her,

Or a Bilkis who became statistics...

Girls in Mangalore being taught a lesson just for being girls,

Or women in slums battered every evening because their husbands need no Pubs or Indian culture...

Or some other mothers whose children cannot pray to her god,

Because they married a man who worships another god.

It is never about religion or culture.

Just like rape is not about sex.

And molestation has nothing to do with how provocatively a girl was dressed.

Being me

Would also be a refusal to fall into any divisive traps,

Of how my subjugation is better (or worse) than yours.

Of if I have not worked as a field hand,

Does not mean I can’t see how wrong it is to pay her less because she belongs to another gender.

Being me would also mean I will not put down another woman
no matter how many times I am warned

How unfairly prettier or obscenely successful she is.

Being me would mean being too self assured to allow this devious divisiveness

To make me forget that a trap is just a trap

And every trap is an obstacle in the race against prejudice,

Being me would be going overboard sometimes.

But never forgetting any of this....

By Indian Homemaker, 9th March 2009

*************************************

True story of a brave Indian woman - Celebrating Women's Day

You can do almost anything you put your mind to…

You can swim the deepest ocean and climb the highest peak…

Be a Doctor or fly a plane…

You can face adversity and still walk tall.

You are strong, beautiful, and compassionate and much more than words could ever say!

Today is yours, and so is every other day…

Happy Women’s Day!

We are celebrating Women’s Day with this real story of a brave Indian mother shared by a blogger who wants to remain anonymous. The story is posted as is with minor editing.

It is appreciation like this which helps us to go forward with this little initiation we refer to as ‘NO gender inequality’.

Thank you friend for sharing this with us.

Our mother raised us with little support from a dad who was suffering mental depression. In a way it proved to be a blessing in disguise, I guess. We realized that mom was by no means a lady inferior to men; she earned all her life and raised three unbelievably mischievous kids alone almost.

Sold a house in a big city to settle for a smaller and a less expensive town where she was born. She wanted to live in a town where no relatives lived, all had shifted to bigger cities. Far and alone, independent and smart enough to build a bungalow, a property that would give her shelter and shield her and her kids and her husband from the world which even wanted to separate them.

She was the 4th child in her family born at 11 months, born in August a year after the independence, a child not planned, her eldest sister was married by the time she arrived, two brothers, the youngest being 11 years older to her. Due to late birth she was born with a deformity, one hand short that got entangled in the intestines in her mothers womb.

Her sister committed suicide after giving birth to 3 kids who later became friends of their Maasi... almost the same age all of them.

It was in 1948, her birth year her dad started a business which went on to become so successful that in those days they became the richest.

Her mother didn’t want her to continue college after school but the eldest brother, a bit of a rebel fought the family and got her into college in nearby city and even an admission in hostel.

In her days in college is when she realized her true self... that she existed.... that she had a life....

When she graduated, this girl, daughter of a multi millionaire family had to be married off... she didn’t want to marry but when the eldest brother talked her into it she agreed.

She knew since she didn’t have a hand, an alliance wasn’t going to come so soon and if it would come it would be coz of her family not her. Still it was this brother who fought for her, she felt she had to listen to him. The younger brother wanted her to not marry but the elder brother too strong, too dominant and too much respected wanted her to.

She did have a few emotions for a couple of guys in college but her handicap would ensure she would never feel comfortable or at ease with them.

Alliance and alliance would go by nothing would work because of her deformity. She was sure she wouldn’t marry someone who was marrying her for her money or family status. Eventually my dad a poor man lived in a hut literally agreed. He was impressed by her snooty attitude that mom used to put on to put off guys. Eventually Mom realized he was too poor to take care of her.

When she questioned it was told that her parents would buy her a flat, everything she needed and dad would be helped. He was a young commercial designer from a big city college, qualified but poor.

Eventually the marriage took place; the flat was bought for them in a suburb near to the eldest brother's house far from where dad lived. Despite dad not wanting it they wanted to protect the sister from dad's 2 younger brothers who were also in the same poor boat, qualified but poor they would use the house if they stayed in the same vicinity.

Soon they had a son, although the mother and the father both had longed for a girl even thought of a name. A boy was born and their aspirations of a daughter led to two more boys.

For a while things were ok. Her mother in law was a very good lady however she didn’t like the idea of staying with the son in his wife's house so often would go back to the hut of the two younger brothers. Dad was mighty attached with his mom and he didn’t like this. This all was affecting him slowly. Dad separated from his friends, who would also taunt him about marrying a very rich girl, about toeing her.

All this humiliation was tough on him. He couldn’t work, couldn’t identify, would fight with mom, got violent a couple of times, left the eldest kid at a bus-stop in a bit city, miraculously he was found. He was even sent to a mental asylum...electric Shocks.... and what not....

It was at this stage a relative, an uncle of mum, told her to get out of the big city, away from the relatives, the eldest brother agreed. She with three kids in a week’s time when she was not sure what to do and what not she left for a small town for a job in a hostel run by that uncle for the communities girls... Mom was BA. Bed.

She went away, her husband not knowing where the kids and his wife were. For four years she lived in tatters although the girls in the hostel were to become her best friends. She always was not sure what was happening. Finally one day, Dad found her out and came to meet us. This was when the youngest of us three brothers just once spelt out, Mom can't we all stay together. I cursed my brother for that because I hated Dad and felt sorry for Mom. Eventually Dad would again lose it.

But Mom somehow gathered the courage and put her foot down for the first time over her elder brother and told him that Dad was staying with us. She decided to go back to her home town where no one knew of our past, about dad's past most importantly. She thought she could revive everything.

Once in the small town she sold her big city flat and built a bungalow. Probably living 4 years away from the influence of relatives had made her think, independently at that. This time she was clear in her mind. She started tuitions as she didn’t want to leave the house to dad. She stayed home, did tuitions from 7 in the morning at our house to 11, cooked and would again get back to tuitions from 2 to 7 in the evening again cook. The three kids would keep eating piles of rotis and this lady with one hand would cook and make rotis for everyone including her husband.

Dad mellowed down but was never able to work. He would assist in the kitchen and in the tuitions but he would have a spell or too when he would lose once in a while in a year or so. Eventually the three sons graduated, Mom exhausted all her savings of the flat of big city in raising these kids. In the nick of time I started contributing and so followed the two little ones a few years later.

In my life there is no great hero. I have the greatest heroine.... It is my Mother. For us three kids it was always Mom... and nobody else....

If this wouldn’t teach me that a woman is equal or even stronger then I don’t know what would.

I don’t know why I am writing this to you guys. I actually am a little weepy at the moment but anyways, just wanted to tell you girls that what you have started is a wonderful thing. Strangely this just kept getting longer and longer...

I just hope people will understand, realize that women and men are two different sexes and nothing more. There is nothing better or superior or inferior involved in this. Most still don't understand but unless efforts like yours are made, they never will.